Peanut, The Nephew: Locking horns with my sister about the dog
This is my nephew Peanut. He has been chilling in my sister's (Gail's) womb for the last 8 months.
My sister has a hyperspazzy rat terrier named Mouse that they picked up from the pound a few years ago. The dog was over 1 year old when they got her.
Mouse has been noticably moping around since Gail got pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy I talked with Gail and we discussed Mouse's behavioral change. I asked Gail what happens if Mouse starts acting squirly when Peanut arrives. Her response was, "Oh that is a no-brainer. If it boils down to a choice between Mouse and Peanut, Peanut wins and we will get rid of Mouse." I felt pretty comfortable when she Volunteered that.
But then guilt set in. Gail is the most loyal person I know. The idea that she had volunteered that she would get rid of Mouse bugged the hell out of her.
The she suffered through a really bad stretch in the pregnancy when I later found out she was suicidal. She had horrible back pain every morning, she was worried she would not be able to keep her job (Gail is a workaholic with a need to go to work every day), and on top of it she worried she might have to get rid of Mouse.
Gail says that the only thing that kept her from committing suicide was the thought, "Who is going to take care of Mouse? Who will feed Mouse and walk her?" So now she feels like she owes her life to Mouse and that as such she will not even consider getting rid of her.
OK, as soon as she told me that, I never again even hinted that getting rid of Mouse would even be an option.
But I still think she should be very careful around Mouse with Peanut. I worry that Gail isn't hearing me. I say, "Do not leave Peanut unattended around Mouse" and she seems to hear, "Take Mouse out in the woods and shoot her. She is an evil dog."
Maddening. It is like talking to a religious nut. She so doesn't want to even consider what I am saying that she doesn't hear what I am saying.
I sent her an email asking her to keep in mind that she needs to be careful with Peanut around Mouse with a link to an article that talked about a family dog attacking and killing an infant child to underscore that there is the potential for a situation there.
She basically sent me stuff talking about how much more likely it is that a baby would die in an car accident involving alcohol than from a dog attack. It was a none too subtle slap at her brothers, all of whom have driven drunk in their youth. It screams of "this is a touchy subject; Fuck off!".
It also says to me that she isn't even considering the possibilty of a dog attack.
The attitude I get on this subject is akin to telling me, "Do you know how many infants die from playing with electrical outlets each year? It is an infantestimally small amount! Electricity is safe! I am going to leave knives jammed into every outlet when Peanut comes home because electricity will not hurt him."
It is a bullshit arguement; a fallacy.
The fact is Mouse WILL be jealous of Peanut. Peanut isn't even born yet and Mouse is moping around. She needs to acknowledge that that is the reason to be careful around Mouse. She hasn't owned Mouse since birth and doesn't know what her previous owner did to her. She needs to acknowledge that to some minor degree Mouse will always be an unknown and she cannot 100% predict her behavior. What if Mouse ended up in the pound because her previous owner had a baby? What if they HAD to put Mouse in there because she
was aggressive towards their baby? How will mouse react to Gail walking in with a new kid and then Mouse getting less attention?
I want to hear that she will keep Peanut away from Mouse unless she is between them. Frankly I would
like her to promise me that, but it isn't my place to ask that. I wish she would understand that that is how strongly I feel about this.
Even if Mouse wasn't jealous, Mouse is very aggressive about snapping things up in her mouth. Accidents can happen. Mouse has not truely bitten the hell out of anyone, but Mike's Mom (who admittedly is VERY agressive playing with Mouse) did get a small bite. Mouse has barely knicked me a ton of times trying to eat things I have---none of the knicks were at all serious; she has never drawn my blood. Mouse will also jump into bed or get up on the couch with Gail and Mike and walk all over them and lie on them. To me, that just says that there will at best have to be an adjustment period for Mouse.
Gail seems to think that because Mouse is spazzy when a stranger arrives that that is what might cause her to bite Peanut. I think that is silly. Mouse is a spazzy dog and will always be a spazzy dog. That has nothing to do with anything.
If Mouse hurts Peanut it will either be an intentional bite in jealousy, an accidental bite playing with peanut, or accidentally clawing, stepping on, or lying on Peanut.
Am I wrong to demand that she acknowledge the possibility?
My sister has a hyperspazzy rat terrier named Mouse that they picked up from the pound a few years ago. The dog was over 1 year old when they got her.
Mouse has been noticably moping around since Gail got pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy I talked with Gail and we discussed Mouse's behavioral change. I asked Gail what happens if Mouse starts acting squirly when Peanut arrives. Her response was, "Oh that is a no-brainer. If it boils down to a choice between Mouse and Peanut, Peanut wins and we will get rid of Mouse." I felt pretty comfortable when she Volunteered that.
But then guilt set in. Gail is the most loyal person I know. The idea that she had volunteered that she would get rid of Mouse bugged the hell out of her.
The she suffered through a really bad stretch in the pregnancy when I later found out she was suicidal. She had horrible back pain every morning, she was worried she would not be able to keep her job (Gail is a workaholic with a need to go to work every day), and on top of it she worried she might have to get rid of Mouse.
Gail says that the only thing that kept her from committing suicide was the thought, "Who is going to take care of Mouse? Who will feed Mouse and walk her?" So now she feels like she owes her life to Mouse and that as such she will not even consider getting rid of her.
OK, as soon as she told me that, I never again even hinted that getting rid of Mouse would even be an option.
But I still think she should be very careful around Mouse with Peanut. I worry that Gail isn't hearing me. I say, "Do not leave Peanut unattended around Mouse" and she seems to hear, "Take Mouse out in the woods and shoot her. She is an evil dog."
Maddening. It is like talking to a religious nut. She so doesn't want to even consider what I am saying that she doesn't hear what I am saying.
I sent her an email asking her to keep in mind that she needs to be careful with Peanut around Mouse with a link to an article that talked about a family dog attacking and killing an infant child to underscore that there is the potential for a situation there.
She basically sent me stuff talking about how much more likely it is that a baby would die in an car accident involving alcohol than from a dog attack. It was a none too subtle slap at her brothers, all of whom have driven drunk in their youth. It screams of "this is a touchy subject; Fuck off!".
It also says to me that she isn't even considering the possibilty of a dog attack.
The attitude I get on this subject is akin to telling me, "Do you know how many infants die from playing with electrical outlets each year? It is an infantestimally small amount! Electricity is safe! I am going to leave knives jammed into every outlet when Peanut comes home because electricity will not hurt him."
It is a bullshit arguement; a fallacy.
The fact is Mouse WILL be jealous of Peanut. Peanut isn't even born yet and Mouse is moping around. She needs to acknowledge that that is the reason to be careful around Mouse. She hasn't owned Mouse since birth and doesn't know what her previous owner did to her. She needs to acknowledge that to some minor degree Mouse will always be an unknown and she cannot 100% predict her behavior. What if Mouse ended up in the pound because her previous owner had a baby? What if they HAD to put Mouse in there because she
was aggressive towards their baby? How will mouse react to Gail walking in with a new kid and then Mouse getting less attention?
I want to hear that she will keep Peanut away from Mouse unless she is between them. Frankly I would
like her to promise me that, but it isn't my place to ask that. I wish she would understand that that is how strongly I feel about this.
Even if Mouse wasn't jealous, Mouse is very aggressive about snapping things up in her mouth. Accidents can happen. Mouse has not truely bitten the hell out of anyone, but Mike's Mom (who admittedly is VERY agressive playing with Mouse) did get a small bite. Mouse has barely knicked me a ton of times trying to eat things I have---none of the knicks were at all serious; she has never drawn my blood. Mouse will also jump into bed or get up on the couch with Gail and Mike and walk all over them and lie on them. To me, that just says that there will at best have to be an adjustment period for Mouse.
Gail seems to think that because Mouse is spazzy when a stranger arrives that that is what might cause her to bite Peanut. I think that is silly. Mouse is a spazzy dog and will always be a spazzy dog. That has nothing to do with anything.
If Mouse hurts Peanut it will either be an intentional bite in jealousy, an accidental bite playing with peanut, or accidentally clawing, stepping on, or lying on Peanut.
Am I wrong to demand that she acknowledge the possibility?
posted by The Tobidian at 9:15 AM
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