Good advice for a Knuckleheaded Male
A good friend gives you a pat on the head and (when needed) a kick in the butt.
Veronica AIMed me the other day after I posted the blog about missing tiff with two bits of advice to help me in the future:
"1) Keep your head up.
2) Stop calling women whores."
D'Oh!!! The second one bugs the hell out of me because it hits on a tone which has been in some of my posts that I didn't like. I don't consider all/most women whores (I would say there are far more guys who fit that description than women) but I can see where a female reader might get that impression. Since I have started this blog I have written 3 posts in which I have to some degree or another called at least some girls whores. I didn't set out to do that at all when I started this blog.
It bothers me immensely that a woman who reads my posts might (justifiably) feel that I hate women or think of them as lesser people than men or that I think that they can't do the same jobs as men.
Or that they are all whores.
I don't feel that way. I admire the hell out of the women in my family. My oldest sister Jane is a graduate of Stanford University. She has 6 children who are all brilliant in no small part due to the amount of thought and effort that she put into making sure they have the widest set of experiences possible. Her eldest, my niece Angie, just finished her freshman year at Stanford and her oldest boy is likely going to an Ivy League school when he graduates. Jane (and her husband Tim) are 2 of the best parents I have ever seen. They have it down to an art form. They have instilled personal responsibility into their kids' minds without crushing their souls. I hope I can one day be half as good of a parent as either of them.
My younger sister Gail decided when she was in high school that she didn't want my parents to spend a cent sending her to college. So she worked her ass off in high school to get good grades. When she graduated she could have gone to an elite school: An Ivy, Stanford, Rice, Duke, etc. She had the grades and the extra curricular accomplishments to gain admission. My parents were more than willing to pay for her to go to one of those schools. But Gail had made up her mind. She got an academic scholarship and worked odd job (DJ at a strip club at one point! --- That lasted for about a day, lol!) to pay all of her bills. She even bought herself a brand new car while in college. She earned a masters in college and did it all on her own. I have two heroes. My Dad and my sister Gail. Gail amazes me. It isn't that she is a goddess to me, more that she is an idomitable Titan.
My niece Angie is cut from the same cloth. I am going to be a little vague as to why, but I have a deep admiration of her courage to stand up for her convictions. It strikes me that she will sacrifice just about anything for what she believes in. I hope she avoids the conceit of martyrs and always remembers to judge whether certain sacrifices truely need to be made or whether the commitments made provide the optimum benefit the world and society, but I have faith and confidence in her and I believe her head is on straight. I would not be suprised if Angie is a politician one day who helps brings about global change to end famine in Africa or bring peace to the middle east! (Yeah, I know that's a lot. :P) She has the brilliance, charisma, work ethic, and the unquestionable dedication to others to accomplish things other people cannot.
This isn't to say that the other women I know who are not related to me are not fantasic too! I am blessed with a lot of incredible friends. Veronica is a brilliant writer with a mind so sharp you can cut your head on her words. She is a fiercely passionate crusader for real values in government. She doesn't care whether her politicians go to a Christian Church or can recite biblical verse from memory; She wants them to strive to live up to the kind of values ("Thou shalt not kill"? "Love thy neighbor"?) that we ALL agree on.
Lisa, the lovely Mrs. L, is as sweet as sugar. She is one of those people who finds a way to be cheerful and upbeat darned near all of the time. She is a soothing tonic to anyone to whom she speaks.
There are a ton more women I know who are also truely amazing; Each of them far better than me at some things --- if not most things. And I know there are a ton more amazing women out there who I don't know!
What I am trying to say, is that while sadly there are people who hate women and think they are incompetent, I am not one of those.
I write this blog to help me straighten out my thoughts. In years passed, I painted as an emotional release, now I blog. Sometimes those thoughts are not as tactful as I might want them to be. Sometimes I don't realize until days later why I said something the way I did or why I said it in the first place.
What I have realized in the last few days is that I feel pretty betrayed by a woman I love(d) after 5+ years of dating her and am very uncomfortable with the dating scene. That did/does affect my writing.
I am sorry if any female readers read my blog and felt an undercurrent of hate/anger/distrust bubbling under the surface. I hope my writing makes people think --- not think "Why do people hate us for no reason?" or "Man, that Tobi is a dick!"
You visitors are my guests. A good host welcomes his guests and treats them with kindness and warmth. I have been a poor host.
I am deeply sorry.
Thank you Veronica for the kick in the butt.
"A pat on the head and a kick in the butt is better than a pat on the butt and a kick in the head."
Veronica AIMed me the other day after I posted the blog about missing tiff with two bits of advice to help me in the future:
"1) Keep your head up.
2) Stop calling women whores."
D'Oh!!! The second one bugs the hell out of me because it hits on a tone which has been in some of my posts that I didn't like. I don't consider all/most women whores (I would say there are far more guys who fit that description than women) but I can see where a female reader might get that impression. Since I have started this blog I have written 3 posts in which I have to some degree or another called at least some girls whores. I didn't set out to do that at all when I started this blog.
It bothers me immensely that a woman who reads my posts might (justifiably) feel that I hate women or think of them as lesser people than men or that I think that they can't do the same jobs as men.
Or that they are all whores.
I don't feel that way. I admire the hell out of the women in my family. My oldest sister Jane is a graduate of Stanford University. She has 6 children who are all brilliant in no small part due to the amount of thought and effort that she put into making sure they have the widest set of experiences possible. Her eldest, my niece Angie, just finished her freshman year at Stanford and her oldest boy is likely going to an Ivy League school when he graduates. Jane (and her husband Tim) are 2 of the best parents I have ever seen. They have it down to an art form. They have instilled personal responsibility into their kids' minds without crushing their souls. I hope I can one day be half as good of a parent as either of them.
My younger sister Gail decided when she was in high school that she didn't want my parents to spend a cent sending her to college. So she worked her ass off in high school to get good grades. When she graduated she could have gone to an elite school: An Ivy, Stanford, Rice, Duke, etc. She had the grades and the extra curricular accomplishments to gain admission. My parents were more than willing to pay for her to go to one of those schools. But Gail had made up her mind. She got an academic scholarship and worked odd job (DJ at a strip club at one point! --- That lasted for about a day, lol!) to pay all of her bills. She even bought herself a brand new car while in college. She earned a masters in college and did it all on her own. I have two heroes. My Dad and my sister Gail. Gail amazes me. It isn't that she is a goddess to me, more that she is an idomitable Titan.
My niece Angie is cut from the same cloth. I am going to be a little vague as to why, but I have a deep admiration of her courage to stand up for her convictions. It strikes me that she will sacrifice just about anything for what she believes in. I hope she avoids the conceit of martyrs and always remembers to judge whether certain sacrifices truely need to be made or whether the commitments made provide the optimum benefit the world and society, but I have faith and confidence in her and I believe her head is on straight. I would not be suprised if Angie is a politician one day who helps brings about global change to end famine in Africa or bring peace to the middle east! (Yeah, I know that's a lot. :P) She has the brilliance, charisma, work ethic, and the unquestionable dedication to others to accomplish things other people cannot.
This isn't to say that the other women I know who are not related to me are not fantasic too! I am blessed with a lot of incredible friends. Veronica is a brilliant writer with a mind so sharp you can cut your head on her words. She is a fiercely passionate crusader for real values in government. She doesn't care whether her politicians go to a Christian Church or can recite biblical verse from memory; She wants them to strive to live up to the kind of values ("Thou shalt not kill"? "Love thy neighbor"?) that we ALL agree on.
Lisa, the lovely Mrs. L, is as sweet as sugar. She is one of those people who finds a way to be cheerful and upbeat darned near all of the time. She is a soothing tonic to anyone to whom she speaks.
There are a ton more women I know who are also truely amazing; Each of them far better than me at some things --- if not most things. And I know there are a ton more amazing women out there who I don't know!
What I am trying to say, is that while sadly there are people who hate women and think they are incompetent, I am not one of those.
I write this blog to help me straighten out my thoughts. In years passed, I painted as an emotional release, now I blog. Sometimes those thoughts are not as tactful as I might want them to be. Sometimes I don't realize until days later why I said something the way I did or why I said it in the first place.
What I have realized in the last few days is that I feel pretty betrayed by a woman I love(d) after 5+ years of dating her and am very uncomfortable with the dating scene. That did/does affect my writing.
I am sorry if any female readers read my blog and felt an undercurrent of hate/anger/distrust bubbling under the surface. I hope my writing makes people think --- not think "Why do people hate us for no reason?" or "Man, that Tobi is a dick!"
You visitors are my guests. A good host welcomes his guests and treats them with kindness and warmth. I have been a poor host.
I am deeply sorry.
Thank you Veronica for the kick in the butt.
"A pat on the head and a kick in the butt is better than a pat on the butt and a kick in the head."
posted by The Tobidian at 3:34 PM
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