A moment of reflection.
The last two weeks have been kind of tumultuous. The next 2 weeks promise more of the same. In the middle of this oddly hectic time I found myself reflecting on some things.
Last night, I sat at my desk listening to music that was magically appearing on my computer and I came across a band called Goldfinger. Goldfinger was one of my Ex's favorite bands. In fact, I once missed going to one of their concerts (she had bought a ticket for me I think) and hurt her feelings about it (I think I forgot, not that I really wanted to go in the first place--- I generally don't like concerts. They are OK, but it is like going to a bar---you come out smelling of smoke. I don't really like that. That still is not a good reason.) I think if I had really gotten myself worked up about going, I wouldn't have forgotten. I don't think I could have.
Anyway, I really like Goldfinger.
And I probably would have enjoyed seeing them in concert.
That touched off a bunch of thoughts.
I think I am kind of distant in relationships. As I sat there last night and thought what a great band they are (their take on 99 red balloons is greatness) I realized I never really gave them a chance when Tiff and I were dating. It is like I had them locked into a portion of my mind labeled "Tiff's music". I have always thought (and voiced to others) that Tiff had excellent taste in music, but with the exception of The Streets, I have never really gravitated to any of it. I think that is because I always classified it as "hers". I didn't think it at the time, but that probably felt very dismissive to her.
I never really realized that until last night.
She really liked Goldfinger, but that wasn't the reason that she bought me a ticket. She bought me a ticket because she knew I would like the band and she wanted to share it with me.
It bothers me that I deeply hurt her because I wouldn't share that with her.
I can be such an asshole.
Last night, I sat at my desk listening to music that was magically appearing on my computer and I came across a band called Goldfinger. Goldfinger was one of my Ex's favorite bands. In fact, I once missed going to one of their concerts (she had bought a ticket for me I think) and hurt her feelings about it (I think I forgot, not that I really wanted to go in the first place--- I generally don't like concerts. They are OK, but it is like going to a bar---you come out smelling of smoke. I don't really like that. That still is not a good reason.) I think if I had really gotten myself worked up about going, I wouldn't have forgotten. I don't think I could have.
Anyway, I really like Goldfinger.
And I probably would have enjoyed seeing them in concert.
That touched off a bunch of thoughts.
I think I am kind of distant in relationships. As I sat there last night and thought what a great band they are (their take on 99 red balloons is greatness) I realized I never really gave them a chance when Tiff and I were dating. It is like I had them locked into a portion of my mind labeled "Tiff's music". I have always thought (and voiced to others) that Tiff had excellent taste in music, but with the exception of The Streets, I have never really gravitated to any of it. I think that is because I always classified it as "hers". I didn't think it at the time, but that probably felt very dismissive to her.
I never really realized that until last night.
She really liked Goldfinger, but that wasn't the reason that she bought me a ticket. She bought me a ticket because she knew I would like the band and she wanted to share it with me.
It bothers me that I deeply hurt her because I wouldn't share that with her.
I can be such an asshole.
posted by The Tobidian at 4:50 PM
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